I’m tired of people interferring with my life!! It’s MY life not YOURS.. People won’t see things from my perspective and sometimes I just wish people really knew what I went through on a daily basis.. My life isn’t that much of a struggle, but just soo much stuff has gone wrong. I hate this.. Sometimes I just want it all to end and the only way for that to be possible is for life to end in general..
It just isn’t ever good enough. I can’t ever make yall happy. I’m such a dissapointment and that is all i’ll ever be to yall. There isn’t ever anything positive about me that comes out of yalls mouths. Even when family ask if I’ve lost weight the first thing you shout is, “NO SHE HASN’T”.. Cool, thanks for boosting my self esteem, NOT!! I ask for permission from yall when I come visit.. I’m 18 years old, If I really wanted to rebel… I could just leave with the car right now. You can’t stop me I have your credit card. Just one day I’ll be capable of taking care of myself and i’ll have money where to I won’t have to rely on yall and that’ll be the BEST day of my life. I’m freaking tired of living the life of a “happy” kid when deep down inside I AM NOT HAPPY!!!! I feel trapped, I want to get out of this “fantasy” world. I seriously try to do anything and everything to fulfill yalls dreams. I just feel like yall are pushing me away and one day I won’t come back to visit..
Why are people so ungrateful? Why am I always there for people, but nobody is there for me? Why do people act more immature in college than elementary? Do people not confront face to face when they are upset with you? Why does my friend or roommate have to hear you are upset with me before I do? Why are people so two-faced? Why is it when I speak my mind and tell you how it is, I am considered the bitch? How come I keep all of my feelings to myself? Why do people assume I am super happy and perfect? How come you can use profanity towards me, but when I use it your feelings get involved? Why do males act like females? Why are people so messy? Why are people so concerned with my life? Why do people start rumors? Why do you have to find out someone isn’t your friend anymore over facebook? Why do people not communicate anymore? Did people forget how to talk? Why is technology the resource to break-up or befriend someone? Why am I not loved? Why am I alone?
It’s crazy how someone can have a problem with you, but won’t confront you about it. I’m very blunt and if I have a problem I’ll tell you at that very moment. There is a BIG difference between venting to someone vs. talking ABOUT someone. I don’t have a problem with you so of course there isn’t any need to talk to you about this. I’m glad I heard the way you felt about me from someone else. I’ll be sure to make you happy and give you your space… and stay with that one person I am apparently with TOO MUCH. The point is you could have told me about the situation besides talking about this to everybody and anybody you know. Sad to think you didn’t think I would find out. Oh well, I have tried sooo hard for this friendship to last but of course I keep getting pushed away.
I look at myself everyday and I wouldn’t change anything.. Occassionally I will go through tough times and hear my parents call me fat and I’ll take it to the heart, and begin to believe they are right. I will go through phases where I’ll call myself names and put myself down, because every girl no matter what they claim LOVE to hear compliments. :) Even though deep down inside I know I am BEAUTIFUL, GORGEOUS, CLASSY, INDEPENDENT, AMAZING, GREAT, and sometimes I feel a bit PERFECT.. Because perfect to me means you are HAPPY and CONFIDENT with yourself.. Not neccessarily that you don’t have ANY FLAWS..